Hyderabad Crosswinds

If you are going to India or just plain an avaricious reader here is a bit of a reading list on India.  Part of Kathleen’s and my India chapter is to enjoy various India seasonings.  The following books will give you a flavor for the vitality, sociology, chaos, religions, social transformation and  economic life of India.

Novels

A Suitable Boy by Vikram Seth.  A wonderfully well written and captivating book that gives you a look inside the culture of arranged marriages in India.  Yes.  Arranged marriages are still the norm.   How do a young Hindu-Moslem couple deal with the expectation that you marry within your caste and community?  Yet, this book will expose you to so much more than the customs of marriage as you become an intimate of a few families in a way that reminded me of War and Peace.  Its length is also similar to War and Peace;  but  you will be sorry to see the book end.  You will not be anxious to close the book and say farewell to  the relationships that you have developed with the characters.

Shantaram by  Gregory David Roberts.    A novel based on the author’s life.  This man is one tough amigo.   Unfortunately afflicted by the disease of addiction, he is imprisoned for armed robbery in Australia.  He makes a daring escape from prison and hides in Mumbai where he makes friends, falls in love, is imprisoned once again, but lives to fight with the mujahedeen in Afghanistan while remaining an integral part of a happy slum among other things.  Very intelligently written, the author has many pithy sayings and explores the requirements of forgiveness and love in the face of personal betrayal.  He also captures many of the customs and everyday peculiarities of Indian life as a member of the Mumbai  mafia.  Somebody could make 2 or 3 movies out of this book.

Behind the Beautiful Forevers by Katherine Boo.  Katherine Boo was an expat and Pulitzer Prize winning journalist who lived in India.  She decided to live in a Mumbai slum for a few years and this novel  was its consequence.  I enjoyed reading this book a couple of years before coming to India.

Kim by Rudyard Kipling.  The classic.  Colorful rendition of India during the British Raj.  Kim is a bi-racial orphan of an Irish soldier.  He grows up with his identity in two worlds and effectively straddles both.  He is devoted to a Tibetan lama while also helping the British thwart Russian designs on India.  If history is your interest, you should also consider  Setting the East Ablaze  Lenin’s Dream of an Empire in Asia by Peter Hopkirk.   I have not yet read.

The White Tiger by Aravind Adiga.  Entertaining and  brief book about a young man who migrates from an Indian village to Delhi.  He realizes his dream of becoming a driver for a wealthy family. With tremendous urbanization occurring in the Mideast and Asia, this book gives you an insight into the lives of those who leave their families behind to seek a better life and opportunities.  The local newspapers surprisingly  refer to drivers, rock splitters, and many others who have made such journeys and live in shanties as the emerging middle class.  This novel illustrates that this class may be left behind and not participate in the New India.  The Great Socialist lurks within the story told by its author.

The God of Small Things by Arundhati Roy.  A short novel that captures the tragic consequences of caste life which is stubbornly prevalent in India yet today.  I loved the writing style of this author.

Holy Cow  An Indian Adventure by Sarah Macdonald.   Many expats find it a faithful reflection of many of their experiences in India.  I have yet to read it.

Autobiography/The Spirituality of India

My Experiments with Truth by Mahatma Gandhi.  Meet the Great Soul directly.  Encounter his single-minded pursuit of truth as he describes India at the turn of the 20^th century.  He wrote this autobiography  in the 1920’s  not long after returning to India from South Africa.  He wrote 20 years before independence and his death.  He records his first successful efforts of his nonviolent revolution.  Richard Rohr credits Gandhi with revealing to Christians the nonviolent soul of Jesus.

Mother Teresa  Come Be My Light   Private Writings edited by Brian Kolodiejchuk, MC.  I have come to the other side of the globe and met Teresa while visiting her  foundation home of the Missionaries of Charity.  I was surprised by joy and serenity in her presence there.  This book traces her story and immerses the reader in her spirituality.  See the face of God.

Indian Faces of Jesus by P R John S J.  Hindus and Christians in India have sought to answer Jesus’ question : “Who do you say that I am?”   I am looking forward to reading this book a third time. Fr. John reviews the work of Hindu or Vendantic Indian thinkers and how they confront the mystery of Jesus while recognizing him as “the Supreme Guide to human happiness.”  He then also analyzes four of his Jesuit brothers’ unique approaches to how Jesus addresses India’s culture, problems and people directly.  These scholars all hail from the area of India in which we live.  Their work relies on  the scholarship related to the historical Jesus and the kerygma of the early Church as a platform for understanding how Jesus can uniquely address the social issues of India.  He also effectively analyzes their work in light of Chalcedon and early Church formulations of Christology.  He helped me recognized my docetic leanings.  If asked what my best experience in India has been, I would have to choose between the visit to Kolkata and Teresa’s foundation or making friends with Fr. Pakieraj SJ.  He gave me this book.

Cave in the Snow by Vickie MacKenzie.   Not a great memoir of a Buddhist nun.  Even so, you might find it interesting.

On Hinduism by Wendy Doniger.  Doniger sits in the Eliade Chair for the History of Religions at the University of Chicago.  This book is not an easy read but provides an understanding of the landscape of Hinduism.  Hinduism does not possess any orthodoxy; however, recently  fundamentalism has emerged.  While such a fundamentalism is  contradictory to the spirit of Hinduism’s openness to any strand of spirituality which it generally inculcates into its polytheistic tradition, nevertheless,  it has gained some political mojo. Recently, the fundamentalists objected to the scholarly approach of Doniger and had this book “pulped”.  In other words, her book was shredded and banned.  The publisher Penguin was castigated for caving to these demands. Of course, the “pulping” only drew increased  interest in the book and  I like others bought the book online in India.  My guess is that this book may be the most widely circulated of all of her scholarly writings as a result.

History

India’s Unending Journey by Mark Tully.   I have not read, but considered a classic.

The Ruling Caste  Imperial Lives in the Victorian Raj by David Gilmour.  Fairly dry but based on letters and other archival material.  Provides interesting historical background.

Often we impose extremely high standards on “spiritual or religious” people that they cannot possibly meet.  We are all made from the same clay.  I was confronted by this reality as well as many many other surprises  as Kathleen, Martin and  I observed the Buddhists in Katmandu.  You think that you know something only to find that you are really clueless!

There are many monasteries and Buddhist Stupas here.  Stupas were created when Buddha’s ashes were distributed among his 8 disciples and they buried his ashes in the ground.  Mounds of dirt were formed which over time turned into small and then large hills.  At some point, the Buddhists dug up and distributed the ashes across Asia and 80,000 stupas were built.   One of the largest stupas in the world is in Katmandu.    People walk clockwise around the stupa spinning prayer wheels that are built into the wall.  The wheels contain prayers.  Apparently, after a believer spins the wheel, the prayer within the wheel will be consider as said by the believer as long as it spins.

Also, built into the wall of the Stupa was a figure of Ganesh.  The story of Ganesh involves Shiva and Parvati.  Shiva is one of the most popular of the 3 million Hindu godsand counting.  Parvati is his wife.  One day Parvati wanted to take a nap and she formed a little boy out of wax or clay depending which story you read.  She put him outside her door and told him not to let anyone disturb her.  When Shiva came home, he wanted to see Parvati and found this annoying little boy who refused him entry.  He proceeded to decapitate him and go into his wife.  Parvati was angry.  She did not appreciate being disturbed and was upset to find Ganesh beheaded.  Shiva sought to make amends by killing an elephant and placing the head of the elephant on the body of the boy and bringing him back to life.  Ganesh is extremely popular as well and is the subject of prayers.  Folks pray to him whenever they start a new undertaking and ask him to remove all obstacles that stand in the way of success.  I was very surprised to see Ganesh on a Buddhist stupa since I did not think Buddhists believe in any god or gods.  Based on reading the Dalai Lama, I know that he does not accept the idea of a First Mover and views the universe as uncreated.   Our guide is an anthropologist and he shared that  there are a variety of forms of Buddhism and perhaps no particular orthodoxy.  He stated that 70 percent of the Hindu and Buddhist beliefs are held in common.  He used reincarnation and karma as examples.  So once again, we are confronted by the multiplicity or chaos of beliefs in the East.

The stupa is surrounded by a commercial area with Tibetan arts and crafts, restaurants, guest houses, and temples or monasteries.  We walked into one temple where we were handed some incense to burn in front of a Buddha.  We were encouraged to say a prayer and then offered a blessing by one of the monks.  I passed.   In exchange for the blessing, there is an expectation that one would make a donation.  When we saw the Dalai Lama in Minneapolis last March, someone asked him for a  blessing for the audience.  He said that as a Buddhist, blessings do not really make sense.  He was referencing that his school of Buddhism is not theistic.   10 minutes later as he wrapped up his talk and was shaking people’s hands from the stage like the rock star that he is, he took his scarf and gave it to a person and said “Here is my blessing.”    So I was surprised to see these Buddhists give blessings.  Struck me as at odds with the Dalai Lama and also as a commercial transaction.  Reminded of the Church selling indulgences prior to the Reformation.

Later in another part of the city, we saw Sadhus.  Sadhus are Hindu holy men who are supposed to be ascetics and live in the woods or the mountains.  They are very colorful.  Their bodies are smeared with yellow and red colors and their hair can reach the ground.  At first, I wanted to take a picture, but our guide indicated that there would be an economic cost.  Our guide explained that these guys are commercial sadhus.  The real sadhus are hermits who live in the forests and mountains.  He said that during the high season, the proportion of sadhus in Katmandu are in direct relationship to the number of tourists.  Since this is the peak ( or depth) of low season, there are only a few.  One of them encouraged us to take his picture, but I did not have any small bills and passed.

As we walked around the city, we would see monks of all ages.   Like India, there are many stray dogs here.  At a café where the monks were sitting outside, one of the dogs started barking at another dog.  As the dog barked and bared his teeth from underneath a plastic chair, I witnessed a monk grab a plastic chair and with much anger slam it into the concrete next to the dog 2 or 3 times.  One of the other monks tried to restrain him.

As part of our tour, we visited the home of a living goddess.  Please note that I said “LIVING GODDESS.”  The Buddhists take a young girl between the age of 3 and 6  from her family to be raised by another family in a small palace.  She must be a Buddhist, beautiful and have no scars.  Normally a few girls are chosen and then brought before the monks for one in particular to be chosen.  It is a great honor for the family to have their daughter chosen.  No one is allowed to take pictures of her except when she is carried on a throne by the people through the city during a festival.   She will live in the palace until her first menstruation at which time she is returned to her family with a pension.  Generally, no one wants to marry her for fear that she may still possess a bit of the  goddess.  Buddhists believe that if a human mates with a goddess, death will follow.   Martin said that he would have no such concerns and that the pension would make her even more attractive.

We almost stayed at a guest house connected with a Buddhist monastery.   However, we are spoiled.  The lack of air conditioning combined with  100% humidity caused us to relocate to a Hyatt Regency.   Before we relocated,  I asked one of the monks about Ganesh.  He said that Shiva, Ganesh, etc are lesser deities for them.  They  view them differently than the Hindus.  He said that they are lesser than the Buddha.   Another surprise to hear the Buddha described as a deity.

When we arrived at a 5 star Hyatt Regency, I was surprised to find monks in the lobby.  Somehow does not jive with my image of Buddhist monks living austere lives in monasteries or mountain caves in the Himalayas.

At the end of the day, all religions or expressions of spirituality are subject to the same proclivities of our human natures.   There are many beliefs and concepts that the major religions hold in common.  Apparently, there are also many pious and/or  superstitious practices that we humans bake into our spiritual rituals and observations.    I should not be surprised that monks and common people find a way to make a buck from any religion’s practitioners.

I suspect that our inspirational leaders would be surprised with what their followers have done and how their message has been transformed and often obfuscated.  After 2 days of touring Katmandu and getting ready to depart,  Matthew 10: 7-15  was the daily reading of the Church :

“Jesus said to his Apostles:  ‘As you go, make this proclamation:  ‘The Kingdom of heaven is at hand.’  Cure the sick, raise the dead, cleanse the lepers, drive out demons.  Without cost you have received;  without cost you are to give.’”

Without cost.

Lord, thank you for the many gifts that you have given us without cost.  The gifts of life, love, truth, meaning, purpose, fulfillment, joy.  May we share these gifts with others without expectation of return.  Help us bring your love and the  light of your truth to the circumstances, events, people and animals of our life today.  Thank you also for your followers today who continue to cure the sick, cleanse the lepers and stand up against injustice and the forces of evil.

How can we finite beings speak of the Unspeakable who is beyond the comprehension of our limited minds? One of the gifts of the Holy Spirit is the Fear of the Lord which is the gift of grasping how small we are in the face of the awesome transcendent majesty of The Absolute Being. Here is how the prophet Isaiah ( Is 6:1-8) conveyed it:

I saw the Lord seated on a  high and lofty throne, They cried one to the other,  “Holy, holy, holy is the Lord of hosts!”  Then I said, “Woe is me.  I am doomed!  For I am a man of unclean lips, living among a people of unclean lips!”   Then one of the Seraphim flew to me, holding an ember that he had taken with tongs from the altar.  He touched my mouth with it and said, “See, now that this has touched your lips, your wickedness is removed, your sin purged.” Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send?  Who will go for us?”  “ Here I am,” I said, “Send me”.

We can only speak of the unspeakable by using inadequate words of our human existence to capture the awesome transcendent majesty of the Absolute Being.  Is God a King?  Is  the kingdom of heaven or God a monarchical theocracy?   I think not.  But within the culture of Isaiah where the prevalent form of governance was monarchy, isn’t that best way to capture the Lord’s majesty?  Is it not still a helpful way to describe the beatific vision?  Isaiah’s language does convey a sense of the Lord as the Master of the Universe. ( I recall asking my son, Martin, when we was a little tyke perhaps 5 or 6 how he saw God.  His said, “ God is the Master of the Universe.”  At that time, I recall there was a cartoon or TV show with that theme).

Mt 10: 24-33 provides another sight of Who our God is:    “Are not two sparrows sold for a small coin?  Yet not one of them falls to the ground without your Father’s knowledge.  Even all the hairs of your head are counted.  So do not be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.”

Addressing God as Father, Jesus revealed to us that the Absolute, the Almighty, the Master of the Universe,  loves us as his children.  Therefore, we need not live our lives in the fear of a karmic payback or a strict God who may judge us fairly, yet harshly. Such cowering fear of punishment is not the Fear of the Lord described above. Jesus constantly reveals that the Lord is “ My Father,”   “ Your Father”, “ Our Father,”   “Abba” or Daddy. Without question, one of Jesus’ primary teachings and revelations is God as a loving, merciful, faithful Father who patiently pursues, welcomes home and embraces with love the repentant thief or profligate son. Like Isaiah, we will experience a fearful sense of imperfection in the presence of the Almighty, but we have recourse to the embers of the Eucharistic sacrifice which cleanse and make us one in Jesus’ relationship with his Father who is now our Father as well .

Is God only a Father?  Is this metaphor not yet another anthropomorphism?  So be it for  this anthropomorphic expression is a powerful mode of communicating that the Transcendent is loving and unconditionally merciful.  Yet does not God’s love also have the nurturing presence of a Mother’s love who lovingly strokes the hairs of her children’s head?  Cannot both a mother and father reflect the faithfulness of our God?  May we as parents faithfully reflect God’s loving presence to our children as well as others.

This passage from Matthew comes in the midst of a section of the scripture wherein Jesus is sending his disciples out to preach for the first time. The disciples want to do what Jesus is asking. They are willing like Isaiah to be sent, but they are afraid. He senses their hesitancy and fear.  He tells them “…do not be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.”  Is it not amazing that our God who Jesus reveals as Father actually lovingly holds all of creation in His/Her heart?  We should not be afraid of where the Lord may send us as we respond “Here I Am. Send me!” The Almighty knows and loves all of creation every moment. Our Lord God is a deeply loving Master of the Universe.

“Be not afraid.”  Yet we are.  I am.  Despite knowing God’sfaithful ever present loving care, I still fear the future.   I consider continuing to scramble to build barns to hold more wheat in case there is ever a need.  No matter how much money people have, they fear its loss.  Where can it be invested safely come what may?  How can I avoid my circumstances changing for the worse?  How can I make sure that my safety net will not have holes?How challenging it must be to be an investment advisor or money manager for people! How do you think their clients would react if advisors told their clients to pay attention to the counsel of Jesus:

“Consider the birds of the air and the lilies of the field.  They neither sow nor reap or gather into barns.”

Lord, help us deal with our fears.  Both our fears of You and the insecurity of our futures. Help us relax in your loving care.   May the Eucharist be an ember from the sacrifice that makes us holy as it touches our lips.  May it  cleanse us of our fears and enable us to say “Send me”.  May we not be afraid of what other’s think, but share your love in word and deed as your disciples and your children  have down through the years. Let  our hearts understand, recognize and embrace  Your promptings.  May the gift of your grace enable us to follow  You and not refuse You, our Fatherly King.  May we consistently reflect Your Fatherly and Motherly love in our families. May our families be like yours,  a Holy Family. Amen.

Recently I sent a NYT obituary of Stephen Gaskin to a few of the best friends of my youth.  I addressed them  as my countercultural brothers.  One of them responded that he is my brother, but that I am the one who remains “countercultural.”  I still puzzle over that comment.  I am not sure but he may be referring to my traditional beliefs such as my belief in the sacrament of matrimony.  The  readings of July 7 include one  from Hosea which captures the beauty of marriage.   Hosea describes the loving relationship of Yahweh and his people.  Hosea is one of the most poetic and comforting of YHWH’s prophets:

“The Lord says ‘ I will allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her.  She will respond there as in the days of her youth…She shall call me ‘My husband’…I will espouse you to me forever:  I will espouse you in right and in justice, in love and in mercy; I will espouse you in fidelity.”

I love the word “allure”.  Allure possesses a flirting quality.  Contains sexual energy or desire.  Allure is followed by “speaking tenderly” which conveys a sense of deep and  unafraid intimacy.

This verse is reminder of the book of the Hebrew Scriptures, the Song of Songs, and also of the verses in Paul’s letter to Ephesians which is frequently used to celebrate the sacrament of marriage.  Paul compares Jesus’ relationship with the Church to the relationship of a husband and wife.  Of course, in this age where divorce is commonplace, it may be difficult for our contemporaries and us to grasp what is signified  here.

I recall when I taught high school in the 80s, the prevailing attitude among our Catholic students was that it was not a big deal if a marriage did not work out.  One can simply get divorced.  I do not think that is what the prophet  Hosea or St Paul has in mind.   We have lost a sense of what a covenant is or what it means to take a vow.  For the Chosen People, the covenant made with YHWH meant a commitment that could not be broken.  Mother Teresa understood this sense of commitment when she took an additional vow to those of poverty, chastity and obedience.  She took a vow to “Never refuse the Lord”.  Brian Kolodiejchuk describes her faithfully executing this vow in Mother Teresa Come Be My Light:

A few days before Mother Teresa’s death,  a sister witnessed a scene that confirmed her heroic fidelity to her private vow not to refuse God anything:

I saw Mother alone, facing…a picture of the Holy Face…and she was saying, “Jesus, I never refuse you anything.”  I thought she was talking to someone.  I went in again.  Again I head the same:  “Jesus, I have never refuse you anything.”  Mother Teresa had kept her word to God.  She had succeeded in not refusing Jesus anything for fifty-five years, welcoming each situation as a new opportunity to be faithful to the love she had pledged.”

Mother Teresa considered Jesus her spouse.  Kolodiejchuk describes her relationship with God as follows:

The secret of the abundant light and love that Mother Teresa radiated…lies in the depth and intimacy of her relationship with God.  She was a woman “madly in love with God,” and even more she was a woman who understood that “God was madly in love with her.”    Having experienced God’s love for her,  she desired ardently to love Him in return—even as He had never been loved before.

Isn’t it interesting that we can more clearly see the meaning of marriage in a celibate sister than we often can those who take the vow of Matrimony?   Our scriptures tell us that  YHWH’s relationship to the Chosen People and Jesus’ relationship to his Church is as deep and intimate as that of a husband and wife who live out their marriage vows by recognizing that they are called to love one another and bring God to one another.   Married life is a call to incarnate and make real the Kingdom of God  and Love that Jesus proclaimed.  God willing, our love for one another is incarnated in our children.  Our children are tangible physical products of our passionate love for one another and mirror the act of God in creating life.  God created because God must love.  Family life is an opportunity to live out this Christian understanding of God’s love as revealed in Jesus’  gospel of love.  Yet it is not always easy.  We are frail creatures who often fall short.

I am reminded of one time when I was suffering from a sinus infection which particularly made me cranky and irritable.  Kathleen looked me at said “ So this is the meaning of ‘ For better or for worse.’ “ Believe me that captured my attention!  To paraphrase  Father Raj:   So many families are bleeding like the woman in the Gospel of Matthew  (Mt. 9: 18-26) who was suffering from hemorrhages for twelve years. ( She touched the cloak of Jesus in faith and was healed.)  “They are bleeding through misunderstanding, conflicting egos, infidelities.  Spouses have to touch Jesus in faith –individually and together as a married couple in prayer.  It would bring great healing to them, their families and the entire society and the Church.  After all is not family a domesticChurch?”  Personal relationships can be very challenging.  Our faith tradition has example after example of God embracing our fallen condition, forgiving us, and renewing our life.  David committed adultery with Bathsheba.  Their son, Solomon ruled during the golden era of Israel.  We too through prayer must learn to embrace forgiveness to truly make our homes  domestic churches.

I recently read an illuminating example of the sacrament and its vows that builds on Father Raj’s comments in a publication of one of my friends, Matt Palmer.  He and his twin brother manage money  for people and publish “ Harvest.. a quarterly journal on true wealth building and sharing”.  Matt interviewed a retiring couple and asked them about faith and family:

“We’ve both been blessed with Catholic educations, provided by loving parents who understood its importance during our formative years.  We met and fell in love while attending a  Jesuit university and enjoying a vibrant, faith-filled college community together.  When we married we chose to top our wedding cake with a simple gold cross with two entwined wedding bands at its center.  For us it symbolized the true nature of our relationship, being one with each other and Our Father.  That sense of God being a part of our relationship, our friendship, our marriage each day has carried and sustained us throughout our lives together.  Without our faith and Him in our lives, I know our path would have been rougher and our challenges more severe.  He multiplies our joys and divided our sorrows.  For us, life is all about faith, family, and friends…and all the rest is just stuff!”  Truly this couple lives reflects that a sacrament is an encounter with God.  Together they experienced and encountered God frequently if not daily in their lives together.  They became the people that they had to become to make the marriage work and be faithful to one another and their Father.

In the sacrament of Matrimony, husband and wife are called to minister to one another.  We help one another along the Way.  Was it Jean Valjean at the end of Les Miserables that sings “We reveal the face of God to one another.”   I was touched one Sunday when Fr Raj gave me a second communion host to bring home to Kathleen.  It was acknowledgement that a husband and wife bring God to one another. As Mother Teresa said to her sisters and brothers:

“God is in love with us and keeps giving Himself to the world—through you—through me….May you continue to be the sunshine of His love to your people and thus make your life something truly beautiful for God.”

Lord, help all married couples faithfully live our marriage vows.  Make us into sacraments for one another.  May we encourage and nurture one another. May we reveal your unconditional love to one another.  May people see our relationships and yearn for You.  As parents, grant us wisdom and prudence to nurture and guide the fruit of our loving passion for one another.  May we be holy families who live in gratitude for all the great gifts you have bestowed upon us.  May our lives be something beautiful for You.  Amen.

We recently spoke to an American who has been in India 12 years.  He said that when people ask him what India is like, he says  “Ornate”.  I could see his point.  This word does capture the furniture, jewelry, clothing, artwork, and interior decorating of homes in India.  Yet, it did not completely resonate.  But I thought it was an interesting notion and started to think about what one word I would use to describe India.

India is the flip side of the US and The West.   When our Indian professionals return from the US, I always ask them what struck them.  Invariably, they describe the US as “organized”.  It is telling that the returning Indians notice our organization and discipline.  It captures the fact that their Indian reality is undisciplined and disorganized.   Perhaps the word I want to use is “chaos”.   I must emphasize to my Indian friends and colleagues that this characterization is meant affectionately and not judgmentally. It is important for us to be open to all cultural expressions  and what they offer or tell us about being human. With that important qualification, let me spend a few minutes describing the chaos of Indian traffic, public behavior, crackers and Hinduism.

When one first arrives in India, you cannot miss the craziness of the traffic.  Honking is constant.  Lane markers are suggestions.  Pedestrians cross busy thoroughfares willy nilly.  Cars and cycles frequently drive down the wrong side of the road.  There is no queue for cars at intersections.  It is not unusual for cars to make a right turn from a left hand lane in front of cars turning right from a right hand lane.  One expects to hit a pedestrian or vehicle a few times on every trip.  Yet there is a certain flow that one must feel as a driver since generally all this  chaos is handled without any  road rage or even mild perturbation.

At the airport, whether waiting in line to check baggage, to pass through security, or to disembark from a plane,   Indians simply ease their way if not push to the front.  I even observed this behavior by Indians in the US.  I was flying to Detroit from Columbus  and had to check some baggage.  I was in a line of 10 people when I observed a slight Asian Indian walk past me and 3 or 4 more people.  He was obstructed by a woman who he did not know and who he then engaged in a conversation about his boarding pass.  No one seemed to noticeas he made himself at home in the line there.   Similarly, I was 3^rd in line in a queue to go through security to catch a flight to Delhi when all of a sudden a group of 4 women starting loading their purses and other carry-on items onto the belt for scanning.  The security guard objected, but they ignored him.  The two men in front of me smiled.  I asked audibly if the women  were royalty.  Likely they are members of an upper-caste such as the Brahmins.  When I jokingly described this anecdote to one of my Indian golf buddies, he was clearly embarrassed.

After passing through security,  I decided to go to the sundry store to buy a magazine and some munchies.  As I approached the counter that had two cash registers, there was a scrum standing there.  Looked like 4 people standing shoulder to shoulder.  I positioned myself behind a man who was directly in front of the register.  A 6”2”American came up and joined me on my right.  All of sudden, a man who was all of 5’1” started to wiggle in front of me.  I assumed that he was trying to work his way through to the magazine section.  My American colleague said,  “Excuse Me Sir, Get in line!  Unbelievable Rudeness!”  He was pissed.  The smaller gentlemen backed away.  I was in a good mood and smiled at the American and said “ It is no different than the driving on the road.”    However, I am not always so cheerful.

When there is a queue, it is not unusual to have folks pushing into you from behind.  I sometimes wear a backpack and there will be constant pressure against it.  One time after a plane landed, I stood up to stand in the aisle and get my backpack from the overhead bins.  A man from the rear of the plane, pushed past me even though there was nowhere to go.  He progressed a foot or two.  After I had my backpack and the line started moving to disembark, I pressed my backpack into his back.  10 feet later, he stopped and asked me if I would like to go in front of him.  I innocently said  “No. Thank you” as if nothing untoward had occurred.  After all, it did not seem so different from what is a common experience for me.  Nonetheless, such behavior on my part is embarrassing.

Kathleen arrived shortly before Diwali, one of many Hindu festivals.  This is a festival  that is celebrated by lighting fireworks or “crackers”.    I do not have to tell you that in the US, we gather around one site that has fire engines and squads at the ready to enjoy a displaythat may last 20 minutes.  In contrast, in India, it is every person’s  prerogative to buy crackers and set them off.  Nothing is organized.  We watched from the top floor of a local hotel as the fireworks began at 6 pm and went to midnight.  Sporadically litby the devout, flashes of large colorful displays  could be seen across the whole horizon from left to right.   The next day, we read about how the emergency rooms were busy with burnt hands, lost eyes, etc.   Is the picture of constant chaos coming into focus?   Even so, when I highlighted the contrast of our cultures, one of my Indian colleagues who has spent time in the US and witnessed our fireworks  laughingly said that Indians are truly free and liberated.

The chaos theory also applies to Hinduism and its polytheism.  With my Western mind set, I assumed that there would be some semblance of sense or underlying rationality to their spirituality.  One of our young professionals tried to tell me that Hinduism is confusing.  I told her that I needed to talk someone else  then  since I did not want to share in her confusion.  I did not realize that she was actually onto something.  I recently read Wendy Doniher’s On Hinduism.  She sits in the Mircea Eliade chair of the History of Religions at the University of Chicago.  While she is sympathetic to Hinduism, she is unsparing in her scholarly approach which has led to her book being “pulped” or banned in India.  As I read her book, it became clear to me relatively quickly that Hinduism is confusing and in fact chaotic.  One Vedic poem will credit one god for creating the world while another will ascribe creation to a different god.    The gods Soma, Tvastri, Varuna, and Vishnu are all credited with creation by different sources within the Hindu scriptural tradition.

Similarly, various gods are addressed within the same Hindu scriptures as  “You, god abc, are the only god I’ve ever worshipped; you are the only one.”  Doniher suggests that the “various competing claims of supremacy cancel one another out, so that the total picture was one of equality: each of several was the best.”

She goes on, “To the question, ‘Is Hinduism monotheistic or polytheistic?’ the best answer is, ‘Yes’(which is actually the answer to most either/or questions about Hinduism). “   One of the Hindus’ scriptures, the Rig Veda states  “The wise speak of what is One in many ways.”   Doniher indicates that this oft quoted Vedic saying does not represent a monotheistic One  so much as a “unitary substratum supporting a vigorous polytheism.”  Even so , this quote later became the basis for monotheistic versions of Hinduism when the invaders of India brought Abrahamic monotheism.  When the Hindus saw themselves through the eyes of Islam and later Christian rulers, they were not happy with what they saw. They looked and felt like a superstitious lot.  Some felt misunderstood.   Shankara first responded to the monotheistic philosophies of Islam around 800CE.  He helped start a Hindu revival.  One of his contemporaries humorously argued that he “championed monism because he was so stupid that he could only count to one.” Later Rammohan Roy reacted to the British and more recently,  Vivekananda brought back ideas from a visit to America that were infused into or read into  the Vedanta. These latter leaders argued that the ancient Hindu scriptures are monotheistic.

Doniher says that the Hindu traditions really descrbe a monism rather than a monotheism.  The later Vedanta monotheistic tradition  focused on the Upanishads’ teachings (900 BCE)which possess a monism that “assumes that all living things are elements of a single universal being (often called brahman), reached by individual meditation.”  In the West, we commonly refer to this view of God in all “elements”  as pantheistic.  The Christian tradition as embodied in Paul’s letter to the Colossians recognizes that all things live and move and have their being in God, but the creation is not the Creator.  We do not worship God in things even though their created beauty often brings us to and points to  the source of their beauty and  their Author.

I tremble a bit as I write these notes.  I would like to understand Hinduism better before arriving at conclusions about another faith tradition that are not particularly flattering.  But it remains difficult for me to understand polytheistic festivals where offerings for success are made to a deity, Ganesh, who is a boy with an elephant’s head,  whenever a new endeavor is undertaken.  Kathleen, the boys and I also witnessed goats being sacrificed to appease Kali, an angry goddess,  often pictured with a necklace made out of the skulls of demons that look a lot like men. There are temples to her all over the golf course on which I play.   They are among the large and beautiful boulders that are out of bounds.

Returning to Doniher’s  analysis that the Vedantic teachings are monistic, the Vedantic philosophy of the Upanishads “is  often contrasted with the polytheistic world of group sacrifice to multiple gods.  An image often used to characterize the relationship between the individual soul and brahman is that of salt dissolved in water.  ‘Thou art that ‘ the Upanishads insist.”    In other words, our true self can be found within ourselves.  This true “self” should be spelled with a capital “S” because it is the Self that is Brahma. “Thou art That!”   As our egoistic self disappears like a wave disappearing into the ocean of Self.  It is similar to salt that dissolves into the water.

The more recent interpretation or conversion of monism by Hindu spiritual philosophers into monotheism sits side by side with the ongoing practice of polytheism.  Perhaps it is consistent with the non-duality of the East.  The East is both/and whereas we in the West are either/or.  In any event, all this fluidity or lack of stability in Eastern thought is very confusing and chaotic.   This thought is reinforced by Doniher as she states  there is no Hindu orthodoxy.  There is orthopraxy.  In other words, Hindus are more concerned about ritual correctness than “right” thinking.  No wonder it is confusing and chaotic.

Perhaps a better word to describe India would be “fluid”.  Maybe.  For now, I will stay with chaos and also stay with the thought that there is an Absolute Being — The “I AM WHO AM” revealed to Moses in the burning bush and who is further revealed to us as  “ Our Father” by Jesus.  We are all children of the same God who is accessible to all who seek with a sincere heart.  Although it may be a bit more challenging in the midst of the shadows of chaos, I am sure that our loving Father  is accessible even as the Spirit floated over chaos in Genesis 1.   His sun shines on all humans as the Almighty holds us all in a loving embrace. 

You sometimes hear of people that come to India on a spiritual quest of sorts.   Herman Hesse, author of Siddhartha, and other early 20^th century intellectuals between the Great Wars made such journeys popular and romantic.   Such quests are clearly one of the offshoots of globalization as East meets West and reflect the yearning of the human heart for God and peace.    As Augustine says “Our hearts find no rest until they rest in You.”

On some kind of a quest ourselves,  Kathleen and I have enjoyed watching the spiritual devotions and practices of the other faith communities as we visited the Ganga in some “holy” cities such as Rishikesh and Kolkata.  Of course, all cities are holy, but you cannot fault the entrepreneurial spirit.  Similarly,  Rishikesh has dubbed itself the world’s capital of yoga and so many westerners are going there that  the ashrams now have hot water and western style toilets. In another example of maximizing tourism,  Hindus are told if they die in Varanasi, they will be liberated from the cycle of death and rebirth and become like salt in the ocean!  Varanasi has a particularly brilliant Chamber of Commerce.   In a desire to understand and respect other spiritual journeys despite my sarcasm, we have also visited the object of Sikh pilgrimages, the Golden Temple in Amritsar.  Not to mention that we have also accompanied a few Buddhist monks to some of  the sites where their former  monasteries were  carved out of mountains  near Aurangabad.   Despite these various experiences, the spiritual highlights for me in India are 2.  The visit to Mother Teresa’s Mother House with Kathleen, Patrick and Martin  and getting to know the Jesuits at Loyola College in Secunderabad.  I have never spent a lot of time around Jesuits previously.  Their contemplative exercises bear fruit in their lives.

A recent example of how the Jesuits continue to minister to me can be found in the Loyola  Pastoral Bulletin for June.  It mentions a recent Jesuit martyr in Syria and the kidnapping of another Jesuit in Afghanistan.  Their stories reinforce the Church calendar’s marking the Solemnity  of Peter and Paul today who are also  both martyrs for Christ.  Today’s reading from the Acts of the Apostles describes the killing of James by the sword and  the imprisonment of Peter during the same persecution.  It is followed by Paul’s farewell letter prior to his martyrdom.    It is understandable that I grew up viewing those who have died for Christ as an early Church phenomenon.    However,  more people are dying for Christ and their faith today than at any other time in the Church’s history.   Many of our contemporaries can say with Paul:

“ I am already being poured out like a libation and the time of my departure is at hand.  I have competed well.  I have finished the race.  I have kept the faith.  The Lord stood by me and gave me strength…and will bring me safe to his heavenly Kingdom.”

We really do not hear much about our contemporary  martyrs in the media.  Quiet, ordinary, everyday kind of people…

Fr Frans van der Lugt, SJ ( 4/10/38- 4/7/2014) was brutally slayed some three months ago by a masked gunman in a Syrian monastery.   He had been quoted as saying “ I don’t see Muslims or Christians.  I see, above all, human beings.”  ( See also the terrific film that won the Grand Prix at Cannes in 2010,   “ Des homes et des dieux” .  This film powerfully shares the story of a group of Trappist monks  recently living in Algeria who also see God’s children in all people.)

The bulletin goes on “A few days ago, we received confirmation from the Jesuit Refugee Services (JRS)..that father Kumar SJ was kidnapped by a group of unidentified men in western Afghanistan.  Fr. Prem,  an Indian national, Jesuit , had accompanied teachers on a visit to a  JRS- supported school for returnee refugees near Herat.  He was kidnapped from the school….Fr Prem believed very strongly that it is God’s Will that he was sent to Afghanistan. “  Fr Prem looks like a handsome Indian male in his 40s.  Could have been a Bollywood star.

The JRS is an international Catholic organization with a mission to accompany, serve and advocate on behalf of forcibly displaced person.  With teams in 50 countries around the world, JRS provides education, health, social and other services to approximately 950,000 refugees and internally displaced persons, more than half of whom are women.  JRS services are provided to refugees REGARDLESS of race, ethnic origin or religious beliefs.  The ministry to women and the last statement of helping all people regardless is particularly powerful these days when one reads daily  about the oppression of women in Asia and  people being killed or simply shunned  because they do not share the same faith.  We should be so proud of our Catholic identity and the great work being done globally by committed Catholics for all God’s children.

Fr Heng, SJ,  speaking from Singapore continued  as he reflected  on the Jesuit mission:   “My brothers and sisters in Christ, the evils in the world that destroy precious human lives and the beauty of God’s creation in the world is a reality that you and I and all of us cannot ignore.  This is because regardless of who is being tortured or killed, they are still human beings.  And as we are all created as children of God, every single soul that exists and is born into this world is your brother and sister and my brother and sister.  This is precisely why Fr Francis died, Fr Prem is kidnapped and why thousands of JRS team members are reaching out to refugees in the world.”

“Your heart and my heart must be moved and affected personally, beginning with the aged, the sick, the depressed in our homes and in our country, and indeed to all suffering peoples of the world.”  Mother Teresa also emphasizes that we do not have to move to Calcutta to minister to the poor, sick and dying.  There are people everywhere who are lonely and need a friend.  They thirst for love.

Fr. Heng continued, “And as we are inspired by Jesus’ disciples and Fr Francis van der Lugt, who died for their faith, and as we pray for the safety of Fr Prem, let us be reminded that the degree to which we love Jesus is the degree to which we dare to say to Jesus, ‘Lord I am willing to love all the people you place in my life, regardless of how difficult it is to love them or how remote they are to me…as refugees, or other poor, needy and marginalized in the world…they are all your children…we are all your children…give us the wisdom to love them as Jesus has shown us.”

There are quests and there are quests.  Somehow, spending time in an ashram doing yoga pales in comparison to Fr Prem’s journey.  Yet, I am sure God is pleased by all who yearn and seek in sincerity and truth.  I am fortunate that God is merciful and loving as I look at my puny little quest.

One of our neighbors is a Chinese Canadian who is married to an Australian woman, Josie,  who enjoys wearing extremely revealing outfits.  She would stop the traffic in Hyderabad if it was not already moving at a crawl.  Kathleen spent yesterday with her shopping and said that women and men were staring at her.  Even guys driving in cars were staring into Josie’s CRV.   I asked  Kathleen if guys were walking into light poles or if the cars were running off the roads.    You have to understand that women are covered up here.  Bare arms are common, but generally the Hindu women wear floor length sari’s or some form of leggings.

Josie recommended a steak place to us that we decided to try.  It is a classic hole in the wall.  There might have been 6 tables in the place in addition to 2  dining room size tables that lay flat on the floor.  Folks sat on pillows and ate  Indian style.    As I went to take my chair at a table, I was surprised to see a picture of Refrigerator Perry.  I said to Kathleen, “There’s my man.  The Fridge!”  It was a picture of him from the back.  He was standing on the sideline looking out over the playing surface of Lambeau field.   I then noticed that the walls were covered with 3 rows of photographs.   Directly above Kathleen’s head was a picture of   “Sweetness”  Walter Payton.  His helmet was off and he had a big smile.  To her left was a picture of the Sears Tower with lighting flashing across the sky.  To her right was the John Hancock Building.   I then had to get up and look at all the pictures.  All the pictures were of the USA.  The Chrysler Building, Kansas City, Boston, cowboys of the Wild West, the 1906 World Champion Cubs and on and on.  I could not believe it.

The waiter then came up to see what we might want to eat.  I asked him what was up with all the Chicago pictures.  He said Chicago spice?  And nodded his head yes.  I tried a couple of more times to see if we could get on the same page, but it was clear that he was going to prepare my steak with some kind of a Chicago preparation…who knows what.  I gave up and Kathleen and I decided to take a few minutes to order some food.  We were a little nervous.    When the waiter offered water and I asked if it was bottled, he said it was not.  Bottled water is always available for foreigners with sensitive stomachs.    Kathleen suggested that we should consider leaving since it was such a dive.

Also, bear in mind, we are living in Hindustan.  The Hindus do not eat beef.  I am not sure that they literally worship cows although they are certainly polytheistic.  They  reverence the cow  because it  gives of itself.  Cows provide milk, labor in the fields,  and their  dung is used both as fertilizer and as fuel.  They almost speak in hushed tones about the animal.  The Hindus that work as tanners with the cowhide are not respected.   I wonder with the growth of the hospitality industry if there are Hindus in the kitchen cooking the beef.    A couple of months ago, I decided to stop eating meat since whoever is cooking it rarely prepares it according to the requested temperature.  Medium well shows up rare.  Even so,  energized by a  picture of the Bears doing the Super Bowl Shuffle,   we worked up our courage and took the plunge.  We ordered the least spicy preparation of steak soaked in a balsamic vinaigrette and honey marinade.

In India, you do live with lowered expectations.  We were not expecting our steaks to compete with Gibson’s or Hyde Park and they did not. However, I have to say they were delicious.  Tender. Flavorful.  Perfectly prepared. We devoured them.   I also appreciated the waiter providing us with bottled water.  I am sure it was not a result of a request that he could not understand.

The check is never brought to the table here.  They want you to stick around and relax.  As we were looking around for someone from whom we could request a check,  a swarthy body builder who was in some of the pictures came up to see if he could help.  After saying we were ready for the check, I asked him if he was the chef.  It was Chef  Inan Khan himself.    When asked, he shared that he had lived in Chicago for 3 years before moving to the Boston area for 8.  When he learned we were from Columbus, he was excited to share that he had owned a restaurant in Dayton Ohio for a while.  He came home to India since his father’s health is failing.   As we said good night, we told him that the food was excellent and that we would be back.  What an unexpected surprise.  Thanks Josie!

My mom recently celebrated her 100^th Birthday.  We had a great family gathering.  Over 100 family members, descendants of her brother and sister and my dad’s siblings’ kids came together for a family reunion. It was a wonderful day of Irish music, looking at photographs of my immigrant grandparents, their cousins, my  aunts and uncles, and sharing of our memories.  My mom shared that her secret to her long life was all about living for her kids and the extended family.  She also asked that I share a note that  I had written for her on Mother’s Day with the extended family. I shared the following:

Today we celebrate the life of my mom.

As Catholic contemplatives, we know, see and embrace God through one another, the beauty of creation and the events of our lives.

I would like to make explicit how my mother serves as an example of God’s presence to us through one another and thank the Lord for how we are blessed by God’s presence in my mother in so many ways.  My mom reveals God’s nurturing, loving, generous presence and nature.  This little acknowledgement is based on a note I wrote to mom on Mother’s day which fell on Good Shepherd Sunday.  So my note is based on Psalm 23 and is addressed to my mom.  It follows:

Surely Goodness and Kindness have followed me all the days of my life.

God comes to me through you.

Like a Good Shepherd, you watch over me.

Guard me.

Encourage me to go on right paths.

You nourish me and lead me to green pastures where I experience the abundance of life.

These green pastures include an incredibly happy childhood and many family parties that you, Jo, Marge, Loretta, and Bea  hosted.

Together you created warm environments to celebrate a variety of occasions.

Through you I experience love with no conditions.

You always provide insight into my areas of strengths and gifts and encourage them.

You never allow me to sell myself short.

Through you I see and experience God’s generosity.

You do not cling to money but use it to support us in every way.

You are generous with your life as you have lovingly devoted it to your family by creating a true home that is a sanctuary from the turbulence of life.

A safe harbor.

Surely, Goodness and Kindness have followed me all the days of my life.

So read one of the headlines in the Times of India.  It’s election time in the world’s largest democracy. It was not an isolated headline. Others read :

Parties Use Self- help Groups to Dispense Bribes

It’s raining cash this poll season

In fact, while running errands in our car, Kathleen was pulled over by the police and our car was searched for cash.   Apparently millions of dollars of money to buy votes was spent in our area. Alcohol was also provided liberally. The self-help groups were started by NGOs to help rural women. They have become quite prevalent as a way to help address an oppressive culture. However, the parties found that they were a convenient channel for bribes that would not be easily detected.   This brand of politics is even more brazen than Chicago’s.

The election is over now. There is great optimism among the aspirational and rising middle class about the change that has occurred. The Congress party has been swept out of office by the BJP.   In fact, the BJP party has gained a controlling majority in the Parliament. It is the first time since 1984 that there is a single party majority and no need for a coalition government.

The Congress party was formed in the late 19^th century and was led by the Great One, Mahatma Gandhi in the 1920s and forward. They led the movement for Independence and have largely controlled the government since Independence. The Congress party has had dynastic leadership. Nehru’s daughter Indira married a Gandhi unrelated to Mahatma. After her assassination, her son, Rajhiv took over. When he was assassinated, his Italian wife, Sonja, became the president. It was her son, Rahul who just got his butt kicked by Narendra Modi and the BJP.   Congress is the “secular” party. In other words, from the days of Nehru and Mahatma, it has stood for breaking down the caste system, pluralism, acceptance of religious diversity, and redistribution policies or “sops” to help the poor. With Congress in power, India has experienced vigorous growth and modernization.

As I stood on the golf course, yesterday I could see cranes every direction that I turned. In our neighborhood, every vacant parcel has a new residential often multi-family complex being built. However, various factors counterbalanced that growth in recent years. Inflation of 10 percent has impacted the cost of food; growth of five percent feels like a slowdown after being in double digits; the equivalent of the Federal Reserve is presided over by a graduate of the Chicago school of economics ( Milton Friedman, Gary Becker among others)  who has kept interest rates high to manage down inflation; even if working, the 99 percent do not feel like a rising tide is lifting their boats as they are still living in squalor defined by shanty towns, tents, and lack of sewage; if you have electricity, power outages happen frequently; roads are a mess; and let’s not forget corruption. It is rife here. It cannot be avoided.  Both Congress and BJP are full of it.

Modi represents change. He is a strong, decisive figure who brooks no nonsense or opposition even within his party. He basically executed a coup d’etat of the BJP leadership last fall that will lead to the BJP naming him the prime minister. In his campaign, he would contemptuously deride Rahul Gandhi and the leadership of Congress. Historically, the Congress party always controlled the lower castes which are called the “Backward Castes.” The lower castes of the rural areas and the Muslim population making up 15 percent of the Indian population have traditionally been the base of the Congress party. Modi campaigned as a member of the backward castes given his background as a teawallah serving tea in a shop. Meanwhile Rahul Gandhi came across as a princeling, a reluctant politician fearful of meeting the same fate as his grandmother and father.  He was an extremely poor campaigner.  Modi was also the chief minister or governor of the state that contains Mumbai. He made a name for himself by putting in place road and electrical infrastructure that is the envy of India. He is conservative and pro-business. The rising and aspirational middle class born after the independence of India along with the Hindu backward castes delivered a mandate.  I cannot tell you how many middle aged Hindus I know who enthusiastically voted for the first time and for Modi. They are very excited about what he means for India.

Unfortunately, many others are concerned. Especially the Muslims. The development of the Modi’s home state did not include the Muslim sectors.   During his time as governor, there was a terrible riot among Hindus and Muslims that caused the death of over 1000 Muslims. Many did not think that he was proactive about stopping it.   (His Hindu followers who I would have to say are living in darkness in this respect  say “There are riots all the time in India,” as if that is acceptable.  We are all brothers and sisters of the One God.)  Modi is also under the influence of a Hindu “social and cultural” group called RSS that smells fascist. Their leadership make outrageous comments that are not disavowed.    Modi himself called Muslim refugees fleeing from Buddhist persecutions in Myanmar  “illegal” immigrants who he says will have to leave. Assam, the Arizona of India that borders Myanmar, cheered him. His campaign owes much success to its strategy of polarization. The color of Hinduism, orange, was ubiquitous as his political backdrop as was the Hindu lotus flower on his lapel. He did not have to say anything although his lieutenants often did. The message was clear.  Of the 282 BJP members elected to parliament, there are no Muslims or Christians.  There is one Sikh and one other member from a minority community.

The newspapers here are not very good. In some states, the ruling dynastic parties control the press. The best sources of analysis are found in the Wall Street Journal and New York Times. Some US experts quoted in these papers predict that he will move to the center and seek to govern all of India. One can only hope it is so.  I would be surprised if many if any of the Catholics with whom I worshipped this morning voted for Modi; yet my favorite Jesuit led a prayer for the new government from the altar.

It is a good reminder for us to pray daily for all of our government leaders that they may be used by God for the good of all humankind whether they know it or not.

I have lived the past 25 or 30 years at warp speed.  My schedule resembled trying to put 10 pounds of sugar in a five pound bag.  It was not unusual for me to get double or triple booked and then have to make a choice.  If someone, needed a minute, I likely did not have it and would ask them to walk to the elevator with me or I would call them on my cell as I would drive to an appointment.  I was all business all the time.  I was usually wearing 3 different hats within the workplace such as serving clients, managing people, leading an industry group and chairing a board.

Unless it was a scheduled meeting,  it would be challenging to live in the moment and savor a person’s presence and perspective.    I was too busy  justifying myself as a critical cog in high performance environment as I sought  to please those for whom I work.   Without question,  business meant busyness and I found my self-worth and a sense of importance in it.  This kind of running hard did not allow me to build deeper relationships with clients, colleagues, family and friends.  At bottom, I believe that I was driven by fear.  Fear is my dominant emotion.  I was afraid to fail again and experience the stress of economic insecurity.  Such fear can restrain me from being willing to trust God because I will do what I need to do to assure a comfortable living for my family and retirement.  I act as if it depends on me rather than God.  As if I am the source of security  rather than understanding in my heart of hearts, it is all from God.    I relate to God on my terms. I can’t hear, see or experience God because I am running too hard and closed off even if I do not want to be or do not think that I am.

I struggle to see the Truth.   Evil may be disguised as a lesser  good that I perceive as necessary and helpful.  Thomas Aquinas says that we always pursue or choose a good.  It appears to be good, but in fact could be harmful for us.  We need to choose the higher Good.  We need to see as God sees.  Love as God loves.

In today’s readings for the 4^th Sunday of Easter,  Peter is prominently featured.    He is an icon of the Church.  We honor him for his confession of faith of who Jesus is.  Jesus called him a Rock or the foundation upon which the Church would be established.   But he was a  humble fisherman.  A simple working man who would drop his nets in the Sea of Galilee and hope for the best.  He was also afraid.  Afraid to confess that he knew Jesus during the trial of Jesus.  He denied Jesus 2 or 3 times and then fled and wept bitterly.

However, it was Peter, filled with the Holy Spirit on Pentecost who preached to the same people that terrified him previously.  He continued to preach in the face of persecution.    He had experienced God’s loving forgiveness and  loving embrace of his shortcomings.  He preached that we too should say that we are sorry and seek to choose another mindset.  Repent!

As I look into the future,  I need to change the mindset that has me trying to do too much and not putting as much love and presence into each moment.  I risk doing the same in my life after Deloitte and missing out on what God offers and wants us to experience.

Lord, as you helped Peter overcome his fear, help us overcome our fears that prevent us from becoming the people that you are calling us to be.  Help us choose a path that allows us to maximize our gifts as we live our daily lives.   May we come to embrace the abundant life that you are anxious for us to experience.  Help us to slow down and not move too fast.  May we walk in You and through You to  still waters.  May we lie down in the green pastures that you promise us.  Let us recognize how goodness and kindness follow us all the days of our lives.  May we smile with gratitude as our cup overflows!

From: TodaysGift@Hazelden.info [mailto:TodaysGift@Hazelden.info] Sent: Sunday, May 11, 2014 11:41 AM To: Gorman, Robert (US – Wilton) Subject: Today’s Gift – 5/11/2014

Today’s thought from Hazelden is:

Presence“C’mon. Hurry. Let’s go,” my friend said, shifting nervously from one foot to the other. I looked around. Another friend, Michael, had just walked into the room. I hadn’t seen him for a while. I felt compelled to go over and talk to him, even though I didn’t have anything important to say. “Please, let’s go,” my friend said again. I started to leave with him, then changed my mind. “Give me just a few minutes,” I said, walking away from my friend and moving toward Michael. We didn’t talk about much, Michael and I. But I’ll never forget that conversation. He was killed in an accident two weeks later. Some people suggest that our biggest regret when we die will be that we didn’t work less and spend more time with the people we love. That may be true, but for me, I think it will be that I wasn’t more completely present for each person, task, and moment in my life.

Action: Do you remember the “stop, look, and, listen” slogan from when you were a child? Every so often, even for a few minutes each day, try to remember to practice it.

Slow down or stop – depending on how fast you’re going.

Look – see where you are, whom you’re with, what you’re doing. Give whatever you’re doing your attention.

Listen – as much as possible, quell your anxiety, cease your mental chatter, and just listen to nature, to other people, to God, and to yourself.

You are reading from the book:

52 Weeks of Conscious Contact by Melody Beattie

52 Weeks of Conscious Contact © 2003 by Melody Beattie. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the permission of Hazelden.