I have lived the past 25 or 30 years at warp speed.  My schedule resembled trying to put 10 pounds of sugar in a five pound bag.  It was not unusual for me to get double or triple booked and then have to make a choice.  If someone, needed a minute, I likely did not have it and would ask them to walk to the elevator with me or I would call them on my cell as I would drive to an appointment.  I was all business all the time.  I was usually wearing 3 different hats within the workplace such as serving clients, managing people, leading an industry group and chairing a board.

Unless it was a scheduled meeting,  it would be challenging to live in the moment and savor a person’s presence and perspective.    I was too busy  justifying myself as a critical cog in high performance environment as I sought  to please those for whom I work.   Without question,  business meant busyness and I found my self-worth and a sense of importance in it.  This kind of running hard did not allow me to build deeper relationships with clients, colleagues, family and friends.  At bottom, I believe that I was driven by fear.  Fear is my dominant emotion.  I was afraid to fail again and experience the stress of economic insecurity.  Such fear can restrain me from being willing to trust God because I will do what I need to do to assure a comfortable living for my family and retirement.  I act as if it depends on me rather than God.  As if I am the source of security  rather than understanding in my heart of hearts, it is all from God.    I relate to God on my terms. I can’t hear, see or experience God because I am running too hard and closed off even if I do not want to be or do not think that I am.

I struggle to see the Truth.   Evil may be disguised as a lesser  good that I perceive as necessary and helpful.  Thomas Aquinas says that we always pursue or choose a good.  It appears to be good, but in fact could be harmful for us.  We need to choose the higher Good.  We need to see as God sees.  Love as God loves.

In today’s readings for the 4^th Sunday of Easter,  Peter is prominently featured.    He is an icon of the Church.  We honor him for his confession of faith of who Jesus is.  Jesus called him a Rock or the foundation upon which the Church would be established.   But he was a  humble fisherman.  A simple working man who would drop his nets in the Sea of Galilee and hope for the best.  He was also afraid.  Afraid to confess that he knew Jesus during the trial of Jesus.  He denied Jesus 2 or 3 times and then fled and wept bitterly.

However, it was Peter, filled with the Holy Spirit on Pentecost who preached to the same people that terrified him previously.  He continued to preach in the face of persecution.    He had experienced God’s loving forgiveness and  loving embrace of his shortcomings.  He preached that we too should say that we are sorry and seek to choose another mindset.  Repent!

As I look into the future,  I need to change the mindset that has me trying to do too much and not putting as much love and presence into each moment.  I risk doing the same in my life after Deloitte and missing out on what God offers and wants us to experience.

Lord, as you helped Peter overcome his fear, help us overcome our fears that prevent us from becoming the people that you are calling us to be.  Help us choose a path that allows us to maximize our gifts as we live our daily lives.   May we come to embrace the abundant life that you are anxious for us to experience.  Help us to slow down and not move too fast.  May we walk in You and through You to  still waters.  May we lie down in the green pastures that you promise us.  Let us recognize how goodness and kindness follow us all the days of our lives.  May we smile with gratitude as our cup overflows!

From: TodaysGift@Hazelden.info [mailto:TodaysGift@Hazelden.info] Sent: Sunday, May 11, 2014 11:41 AM To: Gorman, Robert (US – Wilton) Subject: Today’s Gift – 5/11/2014

Today’s thought from Hazelden is:

Presence“C’mon. Hurry. Let’s go,” my friend said, shifting nervously from one foot to the other. I looked around. Another friend, Michael, had just walked into the room. I hadn’t seen him for a while. I felt compelled to go over and talk to him, even though I didn’t have anything important to say. “Please, let’s go,” my friend said again. I started to leave with him, then changed my mind. “Give me just a few minutes,” I said, walking away from my friend and moving toward Michael. We didn’t talk about much, Michael and I. But I’ll never forget that conversation. He was killed in an accident two weeks later. Some people suggest that our biggest regret when we die will be that we didn’t work less and spend more time with the people we love. That may be true, but for me, I think it will be that I wasn’t more completely present for each person, task, and moment in my life.

Action: Do you remember the “stop, look, and, listen” slogan from when you were a child? Every so often, even for a few minutes each day, try to remember to practice it.

Slow down or stop – depending on how fast you’re going.

Look – see where you are, whom you’re with, what you’re doing. Give whatever you’re doing your attention.

Listen – as much as possible, quell your anxiety, cease your mental chatter, and just listen to nature, to other people, to God, and to yourself.

You are reading from the book:

52 Weeks of Conscious Contact by Melody Beattie

52 Weeks of Conscious Contact © 2003 by Melody Beattie. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the permission of Hazelden.